by P. David Gardner
In a stunning admission of a lack of any coherent sense at all, a Fox News radio host has proclaimed that Chick-fil-A is now and forever "the Official Chicken of Jesus."
Todd Starnes, a more than slightly unhinged man, made his unprecedented proclamation to an enraptured audience at the Abeline Baptist Church in Agusta, GA this weekend. In what began as a fervid battle cry against same sex marriage and transgender equality, Starnes opened with this gem, saying that it was great to be back in the mighty South, where it was apparently pretty darn easy to find a high-cholesterol-peddling Waffle House and Chick-fil-A restaurants, the latter of which he proclaimed was Jesus' official choice of chicken.
Apparently, Chick-fil-A predates those good old days when even the lascivious Emperor Caligula began his blood-rushing reign over the Roman Empire in 37-41 A.D. At least according to Starnes, that is.
Besides lambasting gays and transgenders, Starnes also proclaimed that the U.S. government will begin persecuting Christians and criminalizing their beliefs in just a few short years.
And he took particular issue with the fact that Oregonian students are being schooled in gender equality.
“The time has come for all of us to stand together with one voice!” Starnes bellowed. “They may demand to know the content of our prayers, they may try to shut down our bakeries, they may try to silence our voices, but we will not be silenced! We will not be intimidated!”
Hallelujah, and pass the chicken please.
